I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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