she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
