yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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