I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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