Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
