i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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