I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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