I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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