You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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