Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
