I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
