once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
