so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish I only lived at night.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
