apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
