final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
