I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
