Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
