Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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