I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
