my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize