I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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