Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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