If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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