this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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