I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
