I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize