no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
