I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
