First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
