The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want nice things and good sex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
