I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
