you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
