we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
