her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
