Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize