i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize