My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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