We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize