So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
