Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
