If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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