I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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