hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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