Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
