Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think a kid would responsible me up
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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