I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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