3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
