if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
this boner is exhausting
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
