Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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