It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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