A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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