I hope mine doesn't look like that
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have tasted many bathrooms
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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