My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
