I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
