I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
