I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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