I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
