I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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