i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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