I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i came on her dog
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
