I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
