too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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