i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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