my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize