my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
