So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
