I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
MIDGETS
????
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize