he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize